he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
