No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
