I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
