i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
