My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
