its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
