Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
