they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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