I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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