in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
