Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
