why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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