Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize
