Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
