susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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