Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
