So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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