dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
