I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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