yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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