how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
