I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
