Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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