And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
