You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
