my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
