I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
