hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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