I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
