I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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