Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
