I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
