you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
