she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
