I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
