If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
