mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize