Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
