I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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