OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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