Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize