You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize