I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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