Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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