He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just cropdusted the office
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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