Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
