he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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