Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
