Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
