Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize