question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
