I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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