remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
