how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Green mimosas i think yes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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