if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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