I cockslap morals
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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