nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
