dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize