I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
