the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
