i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ttyl tear gas
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
