i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
