I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
