I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
