there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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