The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize