Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
