I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
