we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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