Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
