Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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