Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
