You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
