It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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