Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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