Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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